Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
