I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
