mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
