so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
