just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
