Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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