So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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