hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
