Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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