Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
