I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
