i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
