morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
