I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Randomize
