i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
