He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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