Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
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If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
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There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You were trust falling into bushes
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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