i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
