Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
