I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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