when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
did you just send me my own nude
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
wow bdsm is so cute
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
