Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
