At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
