ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
