I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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