so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
