took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
