Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
