Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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