This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
he thought i was a dude.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
