My liver just broke up with me...
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
