dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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