Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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