everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
