I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
