we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
