I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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