He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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