you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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