He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Randomize
