you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
