So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
