sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
