Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
