Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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