I'm really into asian looking animals
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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