wrigley field is MILF paradise
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize