So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
