so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
