Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
The best revenge is premature balding
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
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