Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
