this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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