If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
