Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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