yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
