SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
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I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
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Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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