I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
