fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
