Do you still have your period?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
