i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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