So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
