Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
