You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
