New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
