My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
