Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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