I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
