i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I intend to get homeless drunk
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
