If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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