his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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