My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize