Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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