My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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