so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
