You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Randomize
