Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
