I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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