Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
